The introvert’s iceberg

Vivid imaginations of mystical lands and lives lived in faraway shores. Endless musings about the greater mysteries of the universe. A deep fascination with stories, culture, technology, and their interaction with humans. Wandering thoughts about perfecting lineart or mastering an optimal game strategy or writing in a unique perspective. All of this is what’s happening in my mind 24×7, and unfortunately, all of it is often the invisible portion of the iceberg underneath the surface, never actually surfacing in conversation to the outside world.

I’ve always been introverted. Throughout all of school, I was consistently the quietest kid in class. I’d keep myself busy with my own thoughts and only converse when necessary. When people did make the effort to try and hold a conversation with me, they would often be shocked by how much I spoke. If they showed interest in what I was saying, I could talk their ear off, but I’d never ever knowingly force someone to listen to what I had to say. To this day, I’m more or less the same. I’m far more interested in listening to what other people have to say instead of spreading my own thoughts into the void. I’m perfectly content not sharing a thing and keeping to myself.

This became problematic as I grew older because people tended to think, especially in Western cultures, that I didn’t have anything interesting to say. They couldn’t be farther from the truth. My mind is a constant never-ending stream of wacky scenarios, drawn-out conversations between imaginary characters, and hypothetical futures in utopian societies. But I never vocalize any of this and never talk about it, so naturally, people think I have nothing to say. I don’t blame them. They were brought up in a culture that values extroversion and being outspoken to carve their path in life. And they don’t know much about the other side.

I recently read a fantastic blog post from Airbnb’s Jess Bullock titled “Am I Interesting Enough?”, and it’s what partially compelled me to write this post. She talks about Type A vs Type B personalities working in tech, and I strongly identify with the Type B personality. “Type B’s are tolerant of ideas and people, laid back about most things, and avoidant of stress.” Yep, I tick all those boxes. Combine this personality type with my introversion and you’ve got a recipe for confusion in the workplace, especially in tech.

“How was your weekend?” is actually the most dreaded question for a Type B introvert. My weekends are typically fantastic. I spend most of them writing, reading, drawing, and playing video games. Sometimes I travel and practice photography. But I never know how to talk about this stuff with other people. What am I going to say? “…yeah, so after I figured out the base colors for my character art, I thought about which highlights to bring out and what accent colors would complement the outfit…” or “…so anyway that quest in the game ended and its outcome actually determined whether or not this other quest would unlock on the opposite end of the map if I had previously completed this other side quest and…”, do you see what I mean?

I usually have so many enriching and internally fulfilling things to potentially say about when someone asks how my weekend was, but I never quite know how to articulate it in a conversational tone. “I made some art” and “I played a video game” is not as relatable or accessible of a conversation opener as “I binge-watched this great Netflix show” or “I tried this great new ramen place downtown.” Those latter two things are lowest common denominators, things that a majority of the population enjoys and experiences that can be shared with others. Most of my hobbies are just me doing things by myself, so it’s hard to talk about them with extroverts.

You see where I’m going with this. Introverts typically have a rich tapestry of experiences and thoughts to talk about that they’d never openly share with other people unless they know them really well, or if it naturally comes up in the conversation, or if someone directly asks them about it. They need to be given a clear indication that the other person is definitely interested in what they have to say, or else they’ll never say it. And as we know, extroverts don’t exactly enjoy asking other people for their thoughts, they just love to share their own opinion and let the world know their own stance on it. So this leads us back to the beginning where the introverts just end up listening to the extroverts talk all day and the extroverts end up thinking that the introverts have nothing interesting to say.

At the end of the day, I’m actually really grateful to be an introvert. I used to hate being one, but reading Susan Cain’s Quiet in college completely flipped my perspective on it. I suddenly embraced my introversion and grew way more confident in my own skin. I started to acknowledge my own lifestyle, my ways of thinking, and my approach to human interactions differently. It allows me to be an observer in a world filled with people that seem obsessed with shining the spotlight on themselves. It lets me be a bystander in the stories where people think they’re the protagonists. It lets me analyze and internalize the connections between people, places, work, and life in a very different way to most of the world. It lets me notice things that I normally wouldn’t, which helps immensely in my day job as a designer. And if the sacrifice for that is to let the majority of who I am stay hidden underneath the surface, then I’ll gladly take that deal.